It Must Be Worse Than I Thought...

Nathan is currently in love with coins.  He loves to carry 'money' in his pocket.

Yesterday at church he learned about the Holy Ghost.  He brought home the paper he colored in nursery and set it on the counter, next to some coins that Derik had emptied from his pockets on Saturday.  Later as I was cooking dinner, I noticed he was trying to get something from the counter top. 

Me: "Nate, what are you doing?"

Nate:"The Holy Ghost needs money, Mom."

(As he is taking all the coins from the counter and proceeds to run off.)

Wow. The Recession must really be bad.  Even the Holy Ghost is broke.

Derik and I still can't stop laughing.

Where do they come up with this stuff?

As One's Own

  **I've been extremely concerned at the feelings of others as I have written this post. I have typed, then deleted.  Posted, and then gone back to edit.  I have cried and stewed over how to share these feelings thoughfully, and with kindness and love. Please take this post for what it is meant to be. I love you all, and wish you every success in building your families. xoxo**

November is National Adoption Month.

 I've been reflecting what I could say that hasn't already been stated either here or on numerous posts out in the blogosphere. I've thought a lot about what adoption means personally to me, and I've looked up several different definitions.  Each one seemed disconnected and heartless.  I finally found one definition of adoption that I somewhat liked, (but only slightly covered the definition):

adopt \ə-däpt\ (v): To choose or take something as one's own.

I have two incredible parents.

I have two beautiful children.

Both have come through the miracle of adoption.

But adoption isn't only about what's on paper.
(although the paper-part is wonderful too) 

It's about what's in your heart.

I am so grateful to have been adopted.  But truth be told, I've been adopted more than once.

We have been great friends with the McCuistions for almost 10 years now.  Craig was in my ward growing up, and when he met and married Cindy (who is also adopted), he adopted her beautiful daughter, Brittney. 

We became reacquainted with the McCuistions after completing a temple session together. 

A blessing in more ways than one.

Craig, Cindy & Brittney have taken us into their hearts and their home. Each and every Sunday we get to have dinner with our 'Sunday Bunch', at Grandma Cindy's house.  We've been doing this since the very first week that we met them nearly 10 years ago.  Seriously.  If you ever need to find us on a Sunday, you may as well call or stop by Cindy's house first.

Cindy's motto has always been: 'Friends are Family you choose along the way.'  She often tells us that because her own family is so small, she has decided to adopt each of us.  She has taken us into her heart, and loved us as her own. 

When we lost Craig in June, I felt like I had lost my father, my brother, my friend.  It has been a difficult thing to digest.  Even though we see Cindy & Brittney at least once a week, I have been thinking about the McCuistions quite a bit lately.

Cindy, Craig, & Brittney

This beautiful family has been such an amazing support system.  They have seen us at our lowest and highest moments, and loved us regardless of the outcome.  Cindy is the primary reason we have Eli in our home today.  Without her, we would have never known about, or been able to make contact with Eli's birthmother, Amber.  Cindy loves-on our little boys just like they are her very own grandsons.  She spoils them shamelessly. 

Oh, so shamelessly.

The best part of adoption? 

Adoption is based on love.

We just need to do what is innately necessary for us to be happy in life by following our Savior's example: 

Open our hearts, and love others as our own.

What's in your heart?

Spotlight

I'm surprised I haven't done this sooner.

This is my fabulous husband, Derik.

He is incredibly handsome, as you can plainly see.

Derik is a spritual giant.  I admire his testimony and  I am so grateful that he holds the Priesthood.  He teaches me so much about the gospel, and helps strengthen my testimony too.

Derik adores his parents.  I love this (It helps that I adore his parents too!)!

Derik works his fingers to the bone.  He is not afraid to do what it takes to provide for our family.  He works so hard to make our life comfortable, and I am so grateful to him.  He is the reason that I am blessed to be home to raise our two beautiful sons.

Derik has supported me endlessly with the recent excitement in finding my birthmother this year.  It was quite a ride for him, and he never once complained about being drug for miles and miles to meet new people that he would now call family for the rest of his life.  He has embraced my birthfamilies, and been so patient with me as well.

Derik gets me.

He understands me.

He deals puts up with me.

(No small feat.)

I love this man so much.  My time away from him in Burley was hard.  I realized (for the millionth time in our marriage) how much I rely on him.  I realized just how much he does for me on a daily basis.  I love the kind of father he is to our sons.  I love that he wrestles with Nathan on the floor each day, and talks baby-talk to Eli without caring who hears him do it.

I love that Derik loves me.  He supports me in every thing I do.  He is kind, thoughtful, understanding, loving, generous, service-oriented, spiritual, hard working, honest, and just plain fabulous.

I'm glad he's mine.

I found a song that sums him up perfectly (along with what I've already written).

Excerpt from:

'I Just Call You Mine'

Martina McBride

I pinch mysel sometimes to make sure

I'm not in a dream, that's how it seems

I close my eyes and breathe in the sweetest moments

I've ever known, it feels like home.

And here I am, I want to be your everything

There you are turning winter into spring.

And everyone that sees you always wants to know you

And everyone that knows you always has a smile

You're a standing ovation after years of waiting

For a chance to finally shine

Everyone calls you amazing, I just call you mine.

I fall apart and just a word from you somehow seems to fix whatever's wrong

You reach into the weakest moments and remind me that I'm strong

You've gotta know I'd be a fool not to see or even worse

To forget you're more than I deserved, 'cause

Everyone that sees you always wants to know you

And everyone that knows you alwasy has a smile.

You're a standing ovation, after years of waiting

For a chance to finally shine.

Everyone calls you amazing, I just call you mine.

I love you Babe!  Forever sounds good to me!

xoxox.

Our Eli

Our updates on Eli: (now 4 1/2 months)

• He truly is the happiest baby I have ever seen. I am amazed by him every.single.day.
• He is easily consoled.
• He remains calm, happy and completely content until you lay him in your arms to feed him.  Then, as soon as he sees the bottle, he starts acting like a baby dinosaur, as if he's been starved to death.  He comes at you with his mouth wide open, making these crazy 'ahhhhhh!' noises, and fights and flails with his arms until the bottle actually makes it to his mouth.  It's hilarious!
• He gets spooked easily, and will cry so sad when he gets startled.
• He jabbers all the time, and talks even more when you give him direct attention.
• He smiles at anyone.
• He has been sleeping through the night since he was 8 weeks old. Love it!
• He is cuddly, and loves to be held.
• He is already in 9 month clothes, and that won't last much longer.
• He loves his big brother, Nate, and doesn't seem to mind being mauled by him. He will be a very resiliant child!
• At his checkup today, he weighed 16 pounds, 7.5 ounces (70%), height 25.5 inches (60%), and head circumference 41.5 inches (20%).
• He has always 'played' with his tongue from the very day he was born, but today he has really discovered it!  He opens his mouth really wide, and hangs it clear out, just like a particular rock star (that paints his face black & white) that we all know and remember well!
• He's a slobber-bucket, but he's not teething yet.
• He's very huggable and kissable.  He's absolutely irresistable!
• He can roll from his back onto his side, but doesn't have much interest other than that.
• He loves bathtime.  It calms him right down for bedtime.
• He has a love/not-so-love relationship with his binkie.  It's good for a few seconds at bedtime, but usually he's not interested in it too much. It's more of a toy that he pulls out of his mouth and plays with.
• He sucks his thumb when he can find it.  Sometimes he shoves his thumb so far in his mouth he gags, and his other remaining fingers either poke him in the eye, or pick his nose.
• He is on the verge of laughing.
• He has an even sweeter disposition (is that possible?) right when he wakes up.
• He is strong.  Very, very strong.  He has a vice grip on anything he grabs.
• He is a perfect little angel, sent from heaven.  We absolutely adore him.

Our Nathan

Photo courtesy of Hattie Bates Photography

Our updates on Nate (now almost 3 1/2):

• 
  
  He's got so much personality!
  
  
  
• 
  
  He talks better and better everyday.  Sometimes he shocks me with what he can say.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He imitates us well.  We have to be very careful what we do or say.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He is obsessed with rocks.  He brings pebbles and stones in the house constantly.  It doesn't matter where we are - he will drop whatever he is doing to pick up a rock to bring home.  We have even had to designate a 'rock box' to store them in.
  
  
  
• 
  
  Today, he discovered Santa.  I think he always knew who Santa was, but he told me today about Santa bringing him presents.  I'm not sure where he learned it either.  It's so fun to help him be a good boy because now, 'Santa's elves are watching!'
  
  
  
• 
  
  I am amazed at his memory.  He remembers people, places and events so well.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He is getting easier to reason with.  He understands better the 'whys' and 'how's and 'becauses' of life.
  
  
  
• 
  
  Every.single.morning, he comes into our bedroom and says, "Wake up! The sun is up!"  He gauges his day on whether the sun is up or down.  He will look outside at night and say, "Oh, the sun is down!"
  
  
  
• 
  
  He talks about his birthmom, Mandi, and her daughter Aunna all the time.  He even asks if Aunna can go with us to the store, or the park, etc.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He is obsessed with ladybugs.  He also gets really sad if they die (because he over-handles them), or if they fly away while he's playing with them.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He is still obsessed with Thomas the Train.  He has asked when he can ride Thomas again?, ever since we took him down to Heber City to see Thomas, and go for a ride.  He loves his train sets, and his Thomas underwear!
  
  
  
• 
  
  He is officially and completely potty-trained. Yay!
  
  
  
• 
  
  At bedtime, he says, "Mom, Nate take a nap."
  
  
  
• 
  
  He adores Eli.  Sometimes a little too much. I have even walked back in the room to discover that he has picked him up off the floor and put him on the couch.  Scary.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He loves to help me clean bathrooms and cook.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He doesn't really like to pick up toys, until you sing the 'Clean Up' song, or have some kind of incentive.
  
  
  
• 
  
  His imagiation soars! I can't believe some of the things he thinks up!
  
  
  
• 
  
  He sings along with movies, videos and songs.  It's adorable.  He especially loves to sing 'I am a child of God' to Eli.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He still takes one nap (and needs it), but tries to fight me almost daily on them.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He is finally in a booster-seat, and thinks he is such a big boy.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He talks almost constantly to me in the car about the things he sees out the window.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He can sing his ABC's almost perfectly.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He can count to ten, and back again.
  
  
  
• 
  
  If we can't understand something he is trying to tell us, he is pretty inventive in communicating what he needs.  He'll usually show us what he means, or act it out.  He's very patient with us as we try to understand all of his new words.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He knows all of his colors.
  
  
  
• 
  
  Whenever he sees a stop sign, he says, "Stop, Mom!", or whenever we approach a stoplight, he says, "Stoplight, Mom!"
  
  
  
• 
  
  He still thinks the smokestacks on factories are a choo choo train.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He is very strong willed, but not malicious in anyway.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He has a very tender heart, and can have his feelings hurt easily.
  
  
  
• 
  
  He is precious, and we adore him more and more each day.
  
  
  

Spotlight

This is my fabulous, beautiful mom, Kathy. 

I have so much respect and love for this woman.  I recently went to Burley and spent an entire month there with my two boys.  She (and my mother-in-law, Nancy) was kind enough to watch my boys while I drove for beet harvest.  I know what a great sacrifice it was for her (my boys keep me busy...and I'm used to it!).

Mom is an amazing cook.  She has no fear in trying a new recipe, and we are lucky enough to reap the benefits.  She cooked for me, cleaned for me, did laundry for me, ran errands for me, and watched my boys all on top of it.  I even came home one day to clean sheets on the bed, and she had tidied up my room too.

She's amazing.

A.maz.ing.

I am so thrilled that she is my mother. 

I remember an experience from when I was probaby about 10 or 11 years old.  It was Easter, and of course, my sisters and I had all gotten new Easter dresses.  I was so excited to wear my new dress that Sunday.  I remember noticing my mother's shoes as we were getting ready to leave for church.  They looked horrible.  They were so old and worn out, they were practically falling off her feet.  I was so sad for her.  Here I had a beautiful new dress that I probably didn't even need, and my mother was wearing these shoes that were beyond worn-out.  She had put my needs (or wants) above her own so that I could wear a new dress that Easter Sunday.  I have never forgotten that moment.  But that is who my mom is.  She gives and gives, and then gives of herself again.  She is a bright, beautiful, spritual woman, and I am deeply grateful that she is my mother.  I never know how to repay her for her kindnesses.  She has taught me about the Savior, and has shown how to live my life like Him through her wonderful example.

I love you Mom!  Thank you so much for all that you do.  I hope that I am the kind of mother that you have been to me.  Hugs & Kisses.

Halloween

We finally made it home...just three days before Halloween.  Nathan was so excited to be home that he got out every.single.toy that he owns, and Eli's too.  The house was trashed within an hour of being home, and he simply couldn't wind down and go to sleep.  He was too excited to be home!

Nate was a Thomas the Train Engineer.  He was so excited to have a cool Thomas hat, and a whistle!  He had it mastered just in time for trick-or-treating.  He would say, 'Trick or Treat!" and then blow his whistle at every single car at our neighborhood trunk-or-treat.  Too cute.

Eli wore the same costume that Nate did for his 1st Halloween.  He was pretty cute, but really tired, and fell asleep before we could even start the trick-or-treating.  We did stop and visit his birthmother, Amber, and it was fun for her to see him in his little outfit.

We also carved our pumpkin, and Nate was pretty excited.

Eli was our helper too.  I can't believe how much he's grown over the last month.  He completely skipped the 6-9 month phase of clothing, and went directly to 9 month clothing.

Assistant Driver

Nathan has come in the truck with me a couple of times.

(You can still see the marker on his face in this picture.)

He is totally intrigued with the big tractors and the sugar beet piles.

He's my little buddy.

Every.single.day., when I get home, he says, "I missed Mom." Over and over. And I just eat it up.

When Eli gets fussy and is ready for bed, Nate tells my mom (or Derik's mom), "Eli needs his Mom...Nate needs his Mom too."

Melt my heart.

Expensive Artist

My hours with driving harvest are very long. I start early and usually don't get home until nine p.m. or later. I was too tired to reheat Mom's dinner, so I was working on a bowl of cereal. Mom, Dad & I were visiting, and catching up on the day. We all thought Nathan was downstairs playing. A few minutes later, he comes around the corner looking like this:

It was all over his jammies, face, hands, and feet. I burst out laughing. He kept saying, "It's not junny Mom! It's not junny!" (Nate makes a 'J' sound for words that begin with 'F'). I still couldn't stop laughing. I blame it on the exhaustion.

My parents tell me that they're turning in for the night, so I decided to find the marker that started this whole shenanigan. I walk around the corner and find a Blue.Sharpie.Marker. (aka permanent marker).

I look up to see if the lid is lying nearby, and notice my parent's new artwork on their fabulous white carpet in the formal living room...

These pictures don't do it justice. You should see it in person.

Picasso would be so proud.

It appears that he crawled under the coffee table and doodled all over. The drawing is about 3 feet by 4 feet. It's huge. Upon further investigation, I discovered Sharpie art on my mom's hardwood floor, and the wall in the hallway.

I told my parents, and they came out to investigate. My dad was upset for about a total of three (3) seconds, and then he just said, "Oh well, he's only three. Kids do those kind of things. If we can't get it out, we'll just put a rug down and cover it up."

(And the whole time I'm thinking, "they're probably wishing we hadn't come for harvest...")

A few days later, my dad had the 11-year-old scouts over for their weekly activity. They walked through the front door and said, "Brother Barrus! What happened to your carpet?!?!!!"

My dad replied, "Oh don't you know? We hired a very expensive artist. He flew out from back east and did that art piece on our carpet. It's what all the fancy homes do now..."

And of course, they didn't believe him!

The funniest part? Nathan has never, ever written on himself or anything except paper in his entire life. Too funny.

My parents might be getting a new rug from Nathan for Christmas.

Cityslicker

I'm driving for Sugar Beet Harvest in Burley this fall.

I want to begin by letting you know that I was raised in the country. My father is not a farmer, but while growing up, we raised horses, pigs, and chickens. I considered myself a country girl, and was proud of it. My parents raised me well...I'm not afraid to work hard, or get dirty int he process.

So imagine my surprise, when I come home and begin driving for harvest.

The truck I drive is a 10-wheeler. For those of you that don't know what that means, it's one of those large farm trucks that you might have seen one time or another in your life. It's one step down from a 16-wheeler (semi-truck). My truck also isn't an automatic...it is a 13-gear truck. Yikes. And the gears grind all. the. time. It literally has strengthened my right arm from shifting those gears.

Oh the joys of driving harvest.

The things I didn't think about beforehand (but still am glad I did it):

--Long hours. Like 14 hours a day. I'm not above this at all. Like I said, I was raised to work hard. But I had no idea that driving a truck would exhaust me so much! My body hurts a bunch, and I'm more tired than I've ever been in my life. Seriously folks. I even talked to a lady today at church that told me that driving harvest exhausts her more than just being pregnant! Wow!

--Dirt in my cleavage. Sheesh, I could harvest my own crop of sugar beets! You may ask, "How does it get in there anyway?" Burley is windy. Very windy. Nuff said.

--Dirt in my eyes. Scary when you're driving a 14,000+ pound truck!

--Filthy, dirty hands, hair, and clothes. On the upside, I don't have to do hair or makeup each morning. I only do my hair and makeup on Sunday. My hair is now unbelievably healthy!

My first few days of driving, I wondered how I could be so "in the dark" about farming and harvest season. But my dad's a lawyer...how would I know?

I just felt so out-of-place, right in my own backyard of where I grew up. Like I was raised in a big city or something. But everyday gets better, and I feel country-ish once again!

Being here makes me miss Burley too. There's nothing like the small-town feeling you get here. Everybody is your friend. Quite literally. I pass dozens and dozens of people multiple times each day...

A good rule of thumb if you're in Burley: always wave to everyone you see. Everyone. It doesn't matter that you saw them the last time you delivered beets from the field. You'll see them again in another hour, so wave, and be nice!

These are the little things about Burley that I miss so much.

It feels good to be home, even for a little while.

Darby & CeLes

This is my sweet friend, CeLes and her incredible family.

Darby & CeLes are hoping to add to their family through adoption, and you can help!

Please click the 'Hoping to Adopt' button at the right to learn more about this precious little family.

If you know of anyone who may be pregnant and choosing adoption for their child, please direct them here to my blog, or directly to their adoption profile. I was amazed at their words of love and hope. It even brought me to tears.

You will not be disappointed.

Adoption Fireside

If you happen to be in the Idaho Falls area this coming Sunday, October 11th, you need to attend this amazing fireside. (And even if you're not, it's worth the drive...I will be coming from Burley to attend!)

Lindsey Redfern, aka "Mrs. R." will be speaking on finding hope through infertility and adoption. Lindsey is a powerhouse for adoption advocacy.

You will not be disappointed.

Please feel free to bring anybody that may benefit from her message.

I hope to see a big turnout!

Taylor Mountain Stake Center
260 Castlerock Lane, Idaho Falls, ID 83404
(it's right behind Taylorview Jr High)
6pm

...and there will even be treats.

My Next Adventure

I'm headed to Burley, y'all.

It's time for beet harvest, and I've got an opportunity to drive truck and earn some extra cash!

Pretty excited today.

Ask if I'm excited next week.

In all honesty, I'm a little nervous.

This isn't the truck I'll be driving, but it's close. I'll be sure to get a picture for you all.

Wish me luck!

Eli's Blessing

Sunday was a perfect day.

Not only was it my birthday, but it was Eli's blessing day.

A very special day.

I need to share some things about Eli with you.

I wasn't able to actually witness Eli's birth, but I somehow felt him come into this world. I just knew he was here. I openly wept when I learned that he was born, and that he and Amber were okay. It was a powerfully emotional and spiritual experience.

And so very bittersweet, because we had learned only a couple of hours before that our precious Grandpa Craig had drowned in a rafting accident.

My heart ached and rejoiced.

I didn't know it was possible to feel both emotions so strongly, and at the same time.

Eli was beautiful.

He was perfect.

And I knew there was something special about him.

There are great things in store for this little boy.

I cannot explain enough what a special spirit this little guy has. Everybody that meets him comments about his 'sweet spirit'. You can just feel it pour out of him.

I wondered if Grandpa Craig would be quietly observing Eli's blessing today. As his wife, Cindy came in to the chapel, I urged her to come sit with me.

I just needed her right by me.

I needed her courage, and to hold her hand.

Eli's blessing was one of the most spiritual experiences I have been able to witness.

I was so overcome with joy and comfort, that I wept.

And wept.

And wept some more.

The Spirit was incredibly strong in that room.

After the blessing Derik came and sat back down beside me.

He handed Eli to Cindy, and continued to cry. He leaned over to me and said, "I felt that if I opened my eyes, I would have seen Craig standing across the circle from me."

Which brought me to tears...again.

I knew Craig would come.

Cindy knew he'd come.

There is just something so precious about this child...

I cannot explain it.

Several people in our ward have commented to Derik or I about the feelings & experiences they had that day as well. I am amazed at how the Spirit moves each of us.

This is Eli's blessing outfit. I didn't take the best pictures, but he's so cute, that it doesn't really matter.

After the blessing we had everyone over for lunch.

I snapped this photo of my mom, my birthmom, Lori, and my mother-in-law, Nancy.

I was too excited to see these three ladies sitting together and visiting.

This is Amber and her two siblings, Kimberly and Colter.

Derik and I were so happy they could all be to Eli's blessing day.

This picture makes me cry.

I have the most amazing parents, and the only reason I even have them is because of Lori. I have wanted a picture of the four of us since the day I met Lori.

The love that I have for these three people is unexplainable.

They have each impacted my life in numerous ways.

Mom & Dad with Lori & her husband, Kirk.

Kirk has been so very kind and understanding of me.

I am deeply grateful to him for allowing Lori and I to have the relationship that we do.

He is a joy and a pleasure to be around (and hilarious, to boot!).

My Amber, and my Eli.

This picture makes me cry too.

Amber is our angel.

She is Eli's angel.

I love adoption.

I couldn't have asked for a more perfect birthday.

I was able to spend it with the people that I love the most.

The Big Catch

A friend in our ward has a private pond that he let us fish at. So, spur of the moment, we left Eli with a friend and spent some two-on-one time with Nate.

He has a little Lightning McQueen fishing pole.

I was seriously wondering if it would catch anything.

He caught the first fish, and the largest fish. (It was about 2 or 3 pounds!!)

And boy, was he excited! See for yourself...

And in other news, Nathan is potty-trained!!

He doesn't even tell me he needs to go.

I will look up, and he'll be in the bathroom. The funny part, is that he has to strip down almost completely to take care of his task! He always leaves his underwear and shorts in the family room, and comes back later to get them!

This is our FIRST attempt at going potty while at the lake.

Nathan suffers from stage-fright.

He just couldn't make it happen.

I think he was finally desperate enough, because this is our SECOND attempt.

I can't believe I caught this photo.

He definitely got over his stage-fright!

Summer at the Park

We went to the park with our little friend, Eliza Jane. She and Nate played so well together, that her mother and I decided definitely needed to get together more often (such a great excuse!).

There were these cool platforms that were suspended above the ground. Nathan was a champ at crossing them! I was impressed at how brave he was!

Way to go, Nate!

Meeting Brynn

I am ridiculously behind on updating our blog!!

A few weeks ago I finally got to meet my last half-sister, Brynn! She lives in Boise, and consequently, I haven't met her yet. I realize that Boise really isn't that far away, but we hardly ever go to Boise.

We had the best time getting to know her! She is the sweetest thing! I love her already!

Me, Derik, Jay (her hubby), and Brynn
TeNeal, me, Lori, and Brynn (we forgot to take pictures, and took this picture right before Derik and I left. Unfortunately, Keisha & Jirell had already gone home.)
Thanks so much for having us over!

It was so wonderful to finally meet you, Brynn!
Hope to see you soon!

Great-Grandma McCuistion

While in Burley for Labor Day, we went to see Grandpa Craig's parents. Craig's dad wasn't home, but his mother, Betty was home and it was so fun to visit with her. We are so blessed to have these wonderful people in our lives. My heart aches for their loss, which is truly everybody's loss. We miss Grandpa Craig so much. We love you, Betty & Buzz! We send all our love and prayers your way.