Christmas 2010

Peyton, Nathan, Kallie, Levi, Kylie, and Eli - acting out the Christmas Story.

Kelsey got a Prayer Rock from our sister Kylie.  I hope it helps!

Catch-up: Halloween 2010

Letter to Nathan

 Dear Nate,

Do you know how much I love you?  If you were here to answer me, you'd say, "Big Much!!", and hold your arms as wide as you can.  And you know what? You'd be exactly right.

Tonight you were so sad because you missed Daddy.  He is working so hard right now to provide for our family.  He works hard all day, and then refs high school basketball games all night.  Oftentimes, you are asleep when he gets home, so there are days when you only see him in the mornings.  It has been a huge sacrifice for you, and this week has been particularly difficult.  Daddy has been gone every night this week.  He has been traveling to distant high school games, and hasn't been home at night to rough-house with you.  He always makes a point to hug and kiss you when he comes home, even if though you are asleep and don't know he is there.  My heart broke as I heard you crying in your room tonight.  When I went to check on you, you told me that you needed your Daddy.  I found it interesting that you didn't say 'want', but 'need'.  I am so grateful that you need him.  I need him too. So I crawled into your bed with you and we made a quick phone call to see if Dad was on his way home.  Luckily, he had finished with his game, so you were able to visit with him for a few minutes.  And then you cried yourself to sleep while curled up next to me. 

I love who you are right now.  I admire your sweet personality.  I love your tenderness with me.  You compliment me all the time, telling me that you like my hair, or you think my necklace is pretty, or you even whisper in my ear that I am the cutest mom you have ever seen.  Wow.  I am in awe at your sweetness. I never could have imagined that a four year old could be so genuinely sweet.  Today you came and gave me a random hug, then ran off again to play.  These are the most precious moments to me as your mother. I hope never to forget them.

Although I love your brother very much, I understand why parents cannot love each child the exact same. You are individuals, and I have individual love for each of you.  I will have a bond with you that I can never have with any other child, because you made me a Mother first.  Your birthmother, Mandi was the biggest part of that blessing.  She made the ultimate, most difficult and painful decision for you.  She changed your life, but she mostly changed mine.  You changed my life in ways I could never have imagined.

Do you know what you mean to me?  Do you know that my heart aches for you sometimes after you have gone to bed?  Do you know that I pray for you everyday?  Do you know that I thank our Heavenly Father every single day for your blessed Mandi?  Do you know how much she loves you still?

Will you always be my little Nater Tater, even when you're grown?  Will you still let me call you 'My Baby'?  Because no matter how tall you get or how old you may become, I will always be your mother.  And even if it embarasses you, I will hug you in front of your friends when you're a teenager.  I hope you won't mind too much.

I love you Big Much...and my arms stretch wider than yours.

Hugs and Kisses to you tonight and always,

Mom

Sunbeams

Too much has happened in the past several months, and since my computer is 6 feet under, I am going to just update with an interesting story from a couple of weeks ago. (I even came to work early and hid in the back to use this computer!!)

Two weeks ago, I was asked to substitute for the Sunbeam class at church. No problem. 

But during Sacrament meeting Eli threw up on me.  Yikes.  Since I couldn't go home (Derik had to teach Sunday School, so we were stuck), I cleaned us both up and we moved on to Primary.  As we were sitting with our little Sunbeam class, I recognized that something wasn't quite right.

Eli had wet through his diaper all over me. 

Yummy.

Since he and I were both wearing black, no worries. What people don't know won't hurt them, right? Right.

Fast forward about 45 minutes.  I'm teaching the lesson to the darling Sunbeam class.  I notice one of the little girls is licking both sides of her hands and rubbing them together.  Upon asking her what she was doing, I was informed that she "just wanted her hands to be wet."  (Note to self: Steer clear of her...How's that for the pot calling the kettle black?)

Fast forward another 20 minutes or so.  We're sitting in closing exercises with only about 10 minutes of church to go.  Little girl with the slobbery hands decides to stroke my hair and rub my arm. 

I nearly lose it. 

Vomit? I had no choice. 

Urine? Could've salvaged it, had I thought to change Eli's diaper sooner. 

Saliva from a child not my own? I don't think so.

I hissed, "Fold your arms!"

"But I love you. You're my teacher!"

She proceeds stroking my hair again.  "Your hair is so soft!"

(Hissing again)"Fold your arms NOW!"

I couldn't get her off me.

We did this back and forth until church was over.

Upon which I blazed home and bathed for an hour in Purell.

The End.

We're Still Here

Our lives have been all-too-crazy lately. 

I'm just here to let you know that we're doing well, but our computer is D.E.A.D.

Christmas can't come fast enough.  I think we're going to have to treat ourselves to a new computer for Christmas!

We'll be back soon.  Please don't give up on me!

I'll finish with a cute story:

The other day, Nathan and I had a sweet conversation in the car:

"Mom, I have a girlfriend."

"You have girlfriends?"

"No! I have just one girlfriend."

"Oh, you have a girlfriend? What's her name?"

"Ummm....I don't remember.  I will ask her when I get to preschool.

(Silence for a few seconds)

"Mom, we're going to kiss."

"You kissed her?!?"

"No, not yet! We're going to kiss at the church...No, wait!  At the temple.  That's where we're going to get married."

This boy is the sweetest, most tender thing I could have ever asked for. Love him to bits!

Just Some Helpful Info

Yesterday I read an article about the things you shouldn't say to adoptive parents, and I can't stop thinking about it.

Although I fervently agree with each of the items on his list, my personal struggle right now is about #3 and #6 of Dan's eleven topics...they have happened all.too.much. lately.

So today's post is to help you understand the stance from the Taylor-point-of-view.

I'll start with #3 ("Never ask where his real dad [or mom] is".).

For those of you that may not know, I am adopted and was reunited with my birth mother, Lori in March 2009.  I have had so many questions asked by others about our relationship since then (which I am totally okay with).  But the one question that continually stops me dead in my tracks is when they say, "...So what is your real mom like?"

Um, my real mom is wicked awesome.  Her given name is Kathy, but I like to call her Mom.  She raised me, and I am the person I am today because of her.

Thank you.

I try as often as I can to educate others without making them feel stupid, so I rephrase their question(s) back to them: "You mean my birth mom? She's awesome.", or "Oh, Nathan's [or Eli's] birth mom is awesome.  We have an open adoption with Mandi [or Amber]."

Sometimes people still don't get it, so I have to rephrase a few questions for them until they catch on, which is okay if they recognize the difference at some point.

Birth mom or Birth dad is sufficient (for our family anyway), or you could call them by their given name.

Now for #6 ("It's like he's your real son".).

This comment is 99.9% of the time about Eli's resemblance to either myself or my husband, or both.  I recognize that this is meant as a compliment, and in some ways, I guess it could be.  I am adopted, and often wondered where I got my features and quirks.  I wished that I could have somebody that I looked like. But  I do know that looks do.not.matter.  Just look at my family...five siblings from three different ethnicities (somebody help me on the spelling here, it doesn't work in spell-check!).I look nothing like my brothers or sisters, but they are still my siblings. 

I also have two sons. 

They look nothing alike.
At. All. 

Oh wait, they're both human, so I guess they have some resemblance. :)

But every time I have heard this comment, "Oh my goodness! He (Eli) could be yours!"  I always instantly look at Nathan and wonder what he must think.  Did he hear that comment (he seems to hear everything lately...)?  Does he think that he is not ours also because of the way he does or doesn't look? Perhaps not right now, but will that sort of comment 'hurt' later on?

Sadly, adoption is all-too political, and  I don't want to get into politics. 

I try to avoid it at all costs.

But I want to protect my kids.

My kids.

Our kids.

Our kids that we are real parents to.

Thanks for reading. :)

Love to you all.

Hugs.

p.s.  To anyone who felt this was aimed specifically at you? It wasn't.  Just a general blanket statement.

Beautiful Adoption Story

I just read this story that was linked through this awesome blog.  It's from the Chicago Tribune, written by Angie Leventis Lourgos.  Excellent read on a rarity:  Open International Adoption.  So awesome!!

Enjoy!

Sue and Ray Fumi awakened their first morning in Lima, Peru, to the news that their baby had already arrived.The couple scrambled to get ready to meet the 5-week-old girl they were adopting, eager to begin to love her as their own.

But they met with an unexpected twist: The baby was carried to their meeting in the arms of her birth mother, Candy Quispe Valdez. The Fumis had no idea the pretty young woman would decide to accompany the attorney's aide and personally hand them the baby.

"I just couldn't take her away," Sue Fumi said in her south suburban Lansing home 18 years later. "It was the moment I'd been waiting for. But at the same time, I almost felt like, 'Wow, I don't know if I can do this now.'"

Her husband was the first to pick up their daughter, Madeline Fumi, who is now 18 and has kept in touch with her birth mother through the years following that improbable meeting. Madeline has been visiting Valdez and four biological half-siblings outside Lima in the last week, her second journey to her ancestral homeland since she was adopted.

The confluence of Madeline's biological and adoptive worlds — which would be much more difficult today, as birth mothers' identities are unknown in most international adoptions — has helped her become more secure with being adopted and provided a connection to her heritage.

And with the help of one little clue from Valdez, the Fumis tracked down Madeline's two biological brothers in the Midwest, each with his own intriguing adoption story. The three siblings created an extended family, sharing summer vacations and milestones — as well as devastating events.

While the surprise encounter with Valdez originally made Sue Fumi tremble, she said it became easy to love this woman who relinquished her baby, giving the Fumis the daughter they so desired.

"I knew instantly that I would not forget her and that our family would not be complete without her," she said.

The beginning

The Fumis had adopted their then-18-month-old son, Andrew, domestically after an emotional roller coaster of four attempts that failed because the birth mothers changed their minds. They decided on an international adoption for their second child in an effort to avoid this last-minute disappointment.

They sensed that Valdez was sad but firm in her decision to let Madeline go.

As Sue Fumi prepared to leave Peru, Valdez slipped an envelope into her hand, asking her to mail it from the United States.

The letter's St. Louis address began to pique Sue Fumi's curiosity on the airplane. She copied the name, Lise Westfall, and the address. A few months later, she sent her own delicate letter to the stranger about 300 miles away, enclosing a picture of Madeline.

"There must be another baby," Sue Fumi thought.

Brother Michael

"I know this letter is very odd …" the note began.

But it wasn't odd to Westfall, who felt a surge of joy.

"Right away, I knew who the little girl was," she said. "This was Michael's sister."

Westfall was single and had longed for a child, when in 1990 she went to Peru to adopt a boy. She remembers meeting baby Michael in front of the courthouse steps in Lima, shocked to find him in the arms of Valdez. Like the Fumis, she never expected to meet the birth mother during an international adoption.

"When she handed him to me, he smiled at me," Westfall said from her home in O'Fallon, Ill., a suburb of St. Louis. "We both took that as a sign. And we both, together, started crying."

Westfall and Valdez stayed in contact, sharing pictures and letters through the years.

So when Westfall opened the letter from Sue Fumi, she immediately called and made plans to meet.

Westfall's next phone call was to Judy Claseman, who would be thrilled.

Brother Benjamin

Claseman, of St. Clair Shores, Mich., also was single when she went to Peru, about a year before Westfall's visit, to adopt her son.

Like the other women, she had been astounded to find Valdez holding baby Benjamin.

When the newborn started to cry, Claseman began fumbling with a bottle and formula. Valdez just laughed and offered the baby her breast. Claseman says it was a sweet moment, and she felt no possessiveness or jealousy.

Claseman had been adopted as well and always wondered about her blood relatives. She found her biological brother as an adult and later became godmother to his adopted daughter. When she finally found her birth mother, the woman declined to meet her. Claseman was crushed.

So she's pleased that Benjamin, now 21, has a relationship with Valdez. Claseman wants her son to cherish all the letters and gifts from her, including his handmade leather wallet and the pewter llama they keep in the curio cabinet.

"Because I had nothing," she said in a telephone interview.

Valdez had given Claseman's contact information to Westfall. They met at a McDonald's in Effingham when the boys were just toddlers. The two mothers marveled as the brothers happily played together on the slides, oblivious to the significance of their reunion.

The Fumis joined the group when Madeline was just a baby, and the families met annually, often at the Clasemans' cabin on Lake Huron.

They grew up together, which made Madeline's own adoption seem more normal during childhood. But it became tough for her during junior high, when her darker skin and Incan features seemed to separate her more from her family. Madeline began denying that she was adopted.

She was secretly hesitant when her mom planned a trip to Peru about five years ago so Madeline could see Valdez, her new husband and their four children.

Meeting the woman who relinquished her ultimately cured those adolescent insecurities.

"The trip changed my life and my perspective on everything," Madeline said.

Meeting mother

During that trip, Madeline watched the revolving door of the Holiday Inn in Lima spin around and around. She examined every woman's face for any resemblance to her own and vaguely wondered if her birth mother would hug her. She and her mom instantly recognized Valdez, who ran up the steps crying and embraced Madeline.

"My life before meeting my birth family, all those self-conscious moments, they came to a close during that hug," Madeline said.

She noted all the physical similarities between herself and Valdez, the deep brown skin tones, the high cheekbones, the similar noses. She got to know her siblings: Samuel, Jonathan, Lady Rose and Madelie Lise.

Now, traveling there again, Madeline said she has none of the apprehension of five years ago. She said she's proud of her "other half," as she refers to her Peruvian heritage and family abroad.

Valdez, now 46, said in an e-mail that she was excited about Madeline's return and hoped to make her comfortable and at home.

She said she placed her babies for adoption because she was poor and wanted them to have better lives. She brought the babies personally so she could meet the adoptive parents because she longed to have a relationship with her children as they grew. Although Valdez felt pain and shame at not being able to raise the children, she had no regrets after watching how Madeline, Michael and Benjamin were brought up.

"I see in the adoptive parents that they are good parents and have given their children the best," she said. "The true parents are not the ones that give birth, but the ones who raise them."

A loss and a gift

The children continued to share summers on Lake Huron as they grew. Benjamin was quiet and introspective. Michael was artistic and wise beyond his years. Madeline was becoming more outgoing and driven.

But as the kids grew older, one was getting sick and weaker.

Michael developed bone cancer as a teenager. He died on Feb. 11, 2008, at age 17. The Fumis and Clasemans attended the memorial and funeral. Madeline sat with his grandmother and wept. Valdez held a separate funeral service for Michael in Peru, which was attended by everyone in her neighborhood.

But before Michael died, he gave the entire family one last gift.

Through the Make-A-Wish Foundation, Michael brought Valdez and his siblings from Peru to St. Louis for a visit in summer 2007, and the Fumis and Clasemans joined them. While Michael and Madeline had already met Valdez in Peru, this was to be Benjamin's first encounter with his birth mother.

He said he was nervous and couldn't sleep the night before, wondering if Valdez would accept him.

Valdez approached slowly. Once he seemed comfortable, she held him and told him that she loved him.

Benjamin said he's always been grateful to Michael for making that hug possible.

One mystery left

One mystery still remains in Madeline's intricate adoptive-biological family.

Valdez had another son named Marcos, who was adopted in Italy and would be about 23 today. The adoptive moms have what they believe to be his passport number, but they haven't been able to find him.

Madeline occasionally thinks about this brother and became particularly curious when traveling in Italy about four years ago.

"I remember thinking, hmm, what if I saw someone randomly who looked like me?" she said.

The questions linger. Does he know he's adopted? Would he want to be found? Would she and the rest of the family be rejected?

"I think that would put a sour note on the whole adoption story," Madeline said. "Because I've always thought of my adoption story as this beautiful story."

But Sue Fumi tells her daughter this might be worth pursuing: Rather than ruining the adoption tale, Marcos could provide the final, touching chapter.

"You might be pleasantly surprised," Sue Fumi said.

Question...

How do all of you amazing Bloggers do it all?

And how in the world do you make money doing it???

How do you: clean bathrooms, do laundry, brush your teeth, cook breakfast, clean up after breakfast, grocery shop, shower, dust, bathe kids, put groceries away, dress kids, change diapers, cook lunch, clean up after lunch, run errands, go to doctor appointments, run kids to school, pick kids up from school, vacuum, sort/pay bills, cook dinner, clean up after dinner, play with your children, mop floors, run kids to dance lessons, run kids to sports, hold church callings, read to your kids, put your kids to bed, sleep, and even blog????

I must admit that I am envious of each of you that seems to balance it all so well (which is basically everybody besides myself).  I appreciate reading about your successes and I am so happy for you.  But I also feel a little bit...like-I'm-just-not-on-top-of-it------ eVeR.  A little bit like my efforts are just insignificant and unworthy.

I love blogging, but I am a sporadic blogger.  I have moments where there's lots to talk about.  And moments where there's just...nothing. 

I have moments in my life where I am so busy, I can barely find the strength to brush my teeth in the morning.

I recognize these are my insecurities coming out.  But I would also like to find a way to create revenue while I am a stay-at-home-mom, plus not-go-crazy in the process of trying-to-get-it-all-done-without-killing-my-children-before-the-day-is-out.

I don't care about Keeping Up With The Joneses.  I don't need a fabulous blog that is insanely popular and gains awards and merits.  That's a lot of pressure.  The pressure alone could very possibly kill me. Perhaps I'm not cut out for this...?

Any suggestions? 

Do you have a maid? 

A chauffeur? 

A chef? 

A nanny?

...No?

Me neither.

Those items are already in my job description.

Please, do share your secrets!

Love to you all!

Hugs.

Layers

This post is a little bit scary for me to share.

I'm not even entirely sure why I'm sharing it.  Perhaps to give some insight as to what my experience has been like in finding Lori.  It has been so much good, and also so much to process.  I had no idea that I would ever need to process anything about my own adoption, because I have always been content with it.  It just never bothered me.  So it continually surprises me that I must process things as they occur, and let my brain and heart meet up. 

I am so grateful to be adopted.  I am so grateful for my parents.  And especially for my Derik. 

I have a private blog that I use as my personal journal. It's a quiet place that I can go, where I cannot be judged by others. I have a regular book-journal, but I have found that 1) I cannot write as fast as my brain thinks, but I can almost keep up by typing,  2) If I'm out of town, or somewhere that I don't happen to be near my book-journal, I can still write. Feelings and experiences just happen. I find that if I record it immediately, it is just more real. More me. Even if it isn't polished to a complete shine.

I have decided to share one of my private entries.

It was an interesting experience for me.

I have not had this experience or desire ever since.

And Mom, I love you.

Peeling Layers

February 28, 2010

I just completed a book called Without a Map. Lori borrowed it from her mom and told me about it. It's by a woman named Merideth Hall, and she placed her son for adoption in 1965, when she was only 17 years old. Lori told me, "I've never had anybody put my experiences into literal words before. It is very liberating for me."

So I asked her if I could read it as well.

It's a heavy book.

Lots of F-bombs.

It's real, raw, and so sad.

Sad, because of how this woman was outcasted by those who should have loved her the most.

And doubly sad, because as I read I got to see where Lori had underlined, starred, and placed exclamation points.

It made me appreciate her all over again.

I finished the book in less than 24 hours. When I returned it to Lori and she asked me what I thought, all I could tell her was, "It's heavy."

Fast forward two days.

I have had the necessary time to process the book more fully into my brain.

I am suddenly very emotional all over again.

And appreciative of Lori and her decision to place me for adoption all over again.

And hurting for her. For all the stupid crap she had to deal with in order to find herself again.

I think in some ways, she's probably still trying to find herself completely, but I know it's getting easier for her.

As I cleaned the house, did laundry and cared for my two boys, I had moments where I would get emotional. Not complete meltdowns, but I shed some tears. The feelings were difficult for me to put into words.

Then suddenly, I realized that I needed Lori.

Needed her in the most desperate way.

We didn't have to talk; I just wanted to be near her.

I have probably minutely felt like this before a few times within the last year (has it already been a year???!), but never, ever to this intensity. Usually, I just wanted to be with her and visit with her.

Many times in my marriage, if I've been sick or had a really bad day I will tell Derik, "I just want my mom." But for the first time in my life, I didn't want my mom. I wanted Lori. And as my little Nathan crawled into my lap that night, it was as if the realization of it all slapped me in the face: I wanted Lori to hold me, just like I was holding my son. I was shocked by these feelings, and I felt very guilty; as if I had betrayed my mom.

So I sent a text to Lori. It read: 'Have you ever just wanted to crawl into your mom's lap and just be held? That's what I want right now. I want to crawl on your lap and just be held .'

She replied: 'Only about a million times. I am both shocked and pleased. Thank you for sharing that with me.'

I didn't reply; I felt like I'd done enough 'damage' for one day.

Derik came home from work that night and I told him all about my feelings. The book, my thoughts, my texts to Lori, my guilt for betraying my mom. Everything. I am amazed every time I visit with Derik. I can sit and cry, and blubber, and throw all my thoughts out (in a jumble-of-a-mess) for sometimes as long as 30 minutes, if not longer. He quietly listens to everything I have to say, compiles it, and folds it concisely in a cute little package that takes about 3 minutes to describe. I often look at him in awe...my life would be easier if he could just be the spokesperson for my brain. It would come out more concise, better organized, less teary, and definitely more tactful. He is my perfect sounding board. I am so grateful for his listening ear and wise counsel.

I told Derik that I couldn't believe that I was having these emotions about Lori and me again. He told me that he thought it was perfectly normal; we would both experience feelings and emotions as those new experiences came along. He told me that I'd probably have experiences like this for the rest of my life because this is a part of who I am. And having Lori be an active member of the Church helps us come together on even more common ground, which makes it all even easier.

So I asked Derik, "Am I just peeling layers then?" His answer was a very simple, 'Yes'.

And then he assured me that I hadn't betrayed my mother.

I love my Derik.

He gets me.

And he loves me in spite of myself.

Lori called me 2 days later, wondering if I was okay - she hadn't heard anything further, and wanted to check on me. I assured her I was fine. We talked about the book, and our thoughts on the things that Merideth went through, and how it related to our story or not.

Lori told me that she was 'done' with sweeping her secrets under the rug any longer.

She felt liberated.

She felt validated in her feelings.

And then she said the kindest thing to me: "I am so proud of you. I am proud of who you are. I am so grateful that you have had a happy life, that you love adoption. I am so grateful that you aren't angry with me. I want to shout from the rooftops, 'This is my Daughter that I placed for adoption! Isn't she beautiful?!!?' "

I told her that she'd come a loooooong way since last March.

She told me I'd come a long way too, and that I'd been a key element in her healing process.

We'd done it together.

Healed together.

And we'll keep healing in the years to come.

So, here's to the upcoming layers. I can look forward to them. Because it will be a part of who I am. My feelings can be validated, even if it's just by my sweet husband.

_________________________________________

Lori is coming to Burley for a couple of days to see where I grew up. I could not be more excited. It really means a lot to me. It will probably cause me to process yet again, but this time, I'm mentally ready for it.
I'll just peel back another layer.

You can call me Shrek.


Thanks for listening.

Hugs.

Send Me Your Links/Buttons!

I have wanted to do this for quite a while now...

Please send me your blog, profile address or button, and I will gladly add them on my sidebar.

Adoption is too wonderful to keep quiet about.

I want to help your babies (or older children) find their way home to you.

Hugs.

(My email is: afuntaylorfamily(at)gmail(dot)com, or you can leave a comment)

A Thief In Our Midst

The Smiths (yes, real name) behind us have a chicken coop.

And Nathan is obsessed with the chickens.

Brother Smith is kind enough to allow Nathan to help feed the chickens and collect the eggs each day. Nathan faithfully watches their yard like a hawk from our back-door at the end of each day, so he can be a big helper as soon as Brother Smith gets home from work.  Oftentimes, Nathan will come home with a few eggs, and is so very excited to show us.

Every morning Nate asks me, "Can I go see the chickens?"  I remind him he needs to wait for Brother Smith to get home from work.

Today I sent Nathan out to play.

He knows we have two rules:  1.Stay in the yard and, 2. Don't go in the street.

Well, at least he didn't go in the street.

He came inside with a bundle inside his shirt, and said, "Mommy! I got the eggs!"

He had four beautiful eggs tucked in his shirt. 

He was proud as a peacock.

I looked at the clock and thought, "Hmmm, that's funny, Brother Smith shouldn't be home yet."

So, I asked him.

Nathan, did Brother Smith help you get these eggs?

No.

Who helped you?

I did it by mineself (myself).

What? Why?

I did it by mineself.

Nathan, that is stealing! You don't take things without asking!

(Insert a deflated look from big brown eyes.)

You are going to have to take these back and tell Brother Smith you are sorry for taking his eggs.

(Insert an even more deflated look from big, huge, brown eyes.)

I quizzed him a little more.  Out of some small (giant) miracle, he managed to climb over the 4-foot fence into the coop, tuck the eggs in his shirt, get back over the fence and home without one.single.crack. in them. 

Wow.

I called the Smiths and left them a voicemail telling them what happened, and apologizing all over myself.  As soon as Brother Smith appeared tonight to feed the chickens, Nathan and I headed over to apologize.

I pushed Nathan in front of me to face Brother Smith (who was trying to hide his smile from Nate, and not doing a very good job of it. Too funny.) 

Nate said, "I'm sorry."  The look on his face was both hilarious and heartbreaking.  He was very embarassed, and was a little scared too from the expression he wore.

I reminded him to ask if Brother Smith would like his eggs back.  He complied, and asked the question as I told him to.

Brother Smith bent down, gave him a big hug and said, "It's okay, buddy, why don't you keep them this time?  You come help me take care of the chickens tomorrow, okay?"

Nate sheepishly said, "Okay.", and then ran away as fast as he could.

Brother Smith and I had a big chuckle.  I again apologized, and he completely brushed it off.  He was mostly curious how Nate managed to get inside the coop.  We tried to get Nathan to come back and show us, but he nearly broke into tears thinking he had to face Brother Smith one more time, so we let it go.

I'm dying of laughter as I write this tonight and as funny as it is right now, I'm glad we had this experience today.  Hopefully Nate's learned his lesson, and we won't have any mishaps in the future, be it eggs or whatever. 

And I'm so glad that we have understanding neighbors.

Broken

Last night when I was tucking Nate in for bed, we had a fun little conversation that went something like this:

Nate, who loves you?

Mommy.

That's right, Mommy loves you very much.  Who else loves you?

Mandi.

Yeah, Mandi loves you too.  Who is Mandi?

Mandi is my birthmom.

That's right.  How is Mandi your birthmom?

Ummm.  Mandi is my birthmom.

Does that mean you grew in Mandi's tummy?

Yeah! I grew in Mandi's tummy!

And then Mandi found Mommy and Daddy for you, and she placed you with us so we could be a family.

Yeah, I grew in Mandi's tummy.

Did you know that Mommy's tummy is broken?

Yeah, and Daddy's tummy is broken too.

...and then he proceeded to tell me that Eli grew in Amber's tummy too. 

This morning at church, he tried to tell me that his tummy was also broken.  I told him that his tummy was just fine. 

He said, "Yeah, it's all fixed."

I am so very glad that my boys have open adoptions.

So grateful that they can know these beautiful women for themselves.

 

No secrets.

Just happiness and hope.

Upside Down

About two weeks ago when I was doing laundry, I heard a commotion.

And then I heard Eli crying.

I ran out to the family room to find that Nate had laid his empty hamper down like this:

And pushed Eli in...Head.First.

Then, he propped it up like this:

And he couldn't understand why Eli wasn't "enjoying the ride" as he proceeded to wheel him around the room.

How is Eli going to survive all of this?  I don't know.  He just takes it all in stride, and continues to love Nathan as if nothing ever happened. 

I need to be more like Eli.

Forgive and Forget.

And laugh about it later, because Derik & I sure did.

He's Back

That Darn Devil.

One Year Ago Today...

I met this amazing woman.

And 3 of her 4 beautiful daughters.

She embraced me so warmly.

And I was able to introduce her to my Nathan, who also joined our family through the miracle of adoption.

Little did we know that the next 12 months would be full of so many events and experiences it would make our heads spin.

We have laughed and cried together.

We have shared secrets.

We have shared feelings that we didn't know we had.

We've even been shopping together.

Lori has watched us add to our family as we welcomed our little Eli.

And has watched us hurt for our Grandpa Craig.

She was with me for my 31st birthday.

Lori has come so far.

I have too.

We've discovered so much about each other.

And ourselves.

And we've both realized that we're not even scratching the surface.

Lori has helped me understand the circumstances that I came from.

She has introduced me to my birthfather's family.

And then lovingly listened as I processed those experiences as well.

She has met my mother.

And my father (as well as Derik's parents).

She has fully embraced my family and has helped me complete my circle.

Lori, Happy Anniversary!

You have helped me heal, when I honestly didn't think I needed to.

It has been a wonderful year for me,

and I hope to have many, many more.

Nate & Eli update

Ahhh, Nater-Tater...

Nathan is so full of energy.

The winter has been long for him, and I feel badly that we are cooped up so much.

To pass the time, he loves to play his games: Candyland, Don't Spill the Beans, and Memory.

I tell him he is so smart, and he loves to repeat it..."Yeah, Mom, I smart.  I reeedy preeddy smart."

Nate's also taking gymnastics once a week.  I don't have dreams of an Olympic gymnast - this is simply for Nate to develop coordination & balance...but he loves it, and it has really helped him a lot.  He's cute to watch too!

I tag-team a cleaning job for the office I used to work for. 

So every-other-week, I go to the office and clean each evening.  Sometimes it so happens that I have to take the boys with me.  The other night Nate was helping me dump garbages.  He opened the bathroom door to the doctor's private bathroom.  Inside was tons and tons of stuff (they had the carpets cleaned, and everybody put the office items off the carpet into this bathroom).  So much stuff, that you couldn't even see if there was a toilet in the room.  Nate takes one look at it, and says, "Holy twaap, Mom!" and slams the door.

I suppose I should watch what I say more often. 

His favorite adjectives are "Reeedy preeddy _______."

Like, "Reeedy preeddy huge!"

and, "Reeedy preeddy stinky!"

He constantly keeps us laughing.

He can't say his 'K'  'G' or 'F' sounds yet.  

Aunt Kelsey becomes 'Aunt Telsey'.

Uncle Michael becomes 'Mi-hull'.

You're Welcome becomes, 'You're Well-hum'.

Grandma becomes 'Dwamma'.

Food or Friends become, 'Jood & Jwiends'.

I'm not trying to be critical.  I just want to remember these things...because someday, I won't remember how blasted cute this all was.

He has super-sensitive hearing too.  He refuses to watch Derik referee basketball games because "The buzzer is reeeddy preeddy loud."  So for Derik's last game he stayed home and played with Kylie & Michael  so I could go watch Derik ref. Several times before I left, Nate reminded me, "Tover your eawws, Mom!"

He even hates movies being too loud.  Sometimes the volume is so low that I wonder how he can possibly hear it from where he is sitting on the couch.

Nathan is too smart for his own good.  He will work at something until he has it figured out.

He also has a nasty temper.  And he loves to force screaming fits...he prefers an audience, so when we put him in his room to finish his fake-fit, he immediatly comes back out and tells us he's done.

Grrrr.

Haven't figured out how to tame this phase - any suggestions?

*This looks as though Eli is angry...he is actually laughing*

 

He loves Eli to death.

Almost literally.

I am constantly telling him to:  Get off Eli, Please leave Eli alone, Give Eli some space, Eli needs a break...yada  yada  yada. 

And his response to anything I say is, "But I wuv him!"

....So you've said....

He is ultra loving and cuddly.  He will tell me almost fifty times a day (literally), "I wuv you, Mom!"

Very endearing. 

**Yawn**

He loves to say the prayer (most times).  If Derik or I say the prayer, he prompts us to say the right things.  Tonight I found myself waiting for him to whisper to me what I should say.  Tonight's prayer went like this:

"Thankful for Jesus.  Thankfull for Kitty.  Thankful for Daddy, Mommy, Nate & Eli.  Bless the Pwophet (prophet). Bless the Jood (food).  Bless Daddy come home safe....

I love it. 

He says the sweetest prayers, and I don't want to forget any of it!

His eyes melt my heart.  And he knows how to use those puppies against me, too.

As for Eli...

image courtesy of Nicole K Photography

Eli is constantly changing.  He looks different to me every single day. 

He always seems to have new facial expressions, sounds, and giggles.

Eli's bottom-left front tooth made its debut just 2 days ago...we're fairly certain that the other is right behind it.  And surprisingly, he isn't drooling like a maniac (thank goodness!).

Eli's Amber came for a visit a couple of weeks back.  It was fun to have her in our home again, and she is doing so well.  We love our Amber!!

Eli is a very observant child.  He loves to 'figure things out'.  I am amazed at how he really examines his toys before chewing on them.

He has been crawling for about 2 weeks now, and is already pulling himself up to things. He even manages to get clear up to his feet sometimes!

He has done this 'London Bridge' trick for awhile now, and has even managed a time or two, stand on his head and use 'no hands'. Crazy boy!

I adore every little inch of this little guy.  He has brought us such joy and contentment.  Nathan can't seem to get enough of him; I'm not so sure Eli would say the same for Nathan, because he tends to get mauled numerous times each day, and yet he takes Nathan in stride...they really have become the best little buddies.  The other day I was cleaning the kitchen.  Nate was sitting at the counter, and Eli was in his chair as well.  Nathan looked at Eli and started laughing.  Eli looked back at Nate and started laughing with him.

I still haven't figured out what was so funny...but it was pretty darn cute.

I love being a Mommy. 

I am so blessed to stay home with these cutie pies and kiss on them all day.

It couldn't possibly get any better than this.

Words I Can Live By

Check out all her awesome stuff here.

Another Devil

Craving one of these sooooooo bad.

And by one, I mean

One. Whole. Bag.

I need them like I need air.

Instead, I'm going to Zumba tonight.