Monday, December 13, 2010


Too much has happened in the past several months, and since my computer is 6 feet under, I am going to just update with an interesting story from a couple of weeks ago. (I even came to work early and hid in the back to use this computer!!)

Two weeks ago, I was asked to substitute for the Sunbeam class at church. No problem. 
But during Sacrament meeting Eli threw up on me.  Yikes.  Since I couldn't go home (Derik had to teach Sunday School, so we were stuck), I cleaned us both up and we moved on to Primary.  As we were sitting with our little Sunbeam class, I recognized that something wasn't quite right.
Eli had wet through his diaper all over me. 
Since he and I were both wearing black, no worries. What people don't know won't hurt them, right? Right.

Fast forward about 45 minutes.  I'm teaching the lesson to the darling Sunbeam class.  I notice one of the little girls is licking both sides of her hands and rubbing them together.  Upon asking her what she was doing, I was informed that she "just wanted her hands to be wet."  (Note to self: Steer clear of her...How's that for the pot calling the kettle black?)

Fast forward another 20 minutes or so.  We're sitting in closing exercises with only about 10 minutes of church to go.  Little girl with the slobbery hands decides to stroke my hair and rub my arm. 
I nearly lose it. 
Vomit? I had no choice. 
Urine? Could've salvaged it, had I thought to change Eli's diaper sooner. 
Saliva from a child not my own? I don't think so.

I hissed, "Fold your arms!"
"But I love you. You're my teacher!"
She proceeds stroking my hair again.  "Your hair is so soft!"
(Hissing again)"Fold your arms NOW!"
I couldn't get her off me.

We did this back and forth until church was over.
Upon which I blazed home and bathed for an hour in Purell.

The End.


Deanna said...

Oh, my goodness! That is so disgusting!!! I'm like you... I can handle my own kids' bodily fluids, but somebody else's...YUCK!!!

Mary said...

Bless you! There's a special place in heaven for Sunbeams Teachers and primary substitutes and people exposed to other children's bodily fluids!